Healing Generations - the dilemma of keeping tradition while breaking free

What is intergenerational trauma? In essence, it's the way our ancestors' adaptations to their traumatic experiences have been transmitted through generations to us. The emotions associated with it may include shame, anxiety, and guilt.  For those of us in collectivist cultures, where elders are revered and the community is prioritized over the individual, engaging in self-care might be viewed as an act of disloyalty to the community.

Growing up in a family that went through China's Cultural Revolution, I wasn't allowed to show emotions and often got in trouble for speaking my mind. I wasn't allowed to make friends or go anywhere without a parent. A lot of the "discipline" my parents used would be seen as physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in the West. I always thought it was normal until I talked to my classmates and realized something was off. Without any social connections outside of school, I was pretty awkward.

At 18, I was fortunate to have the chance to study in the USA as an international student. Through years of training in mental health counseling and learning from clients in community mental health and psychiatric hospital setting, I realized that my parents were managing their trauma as best they could without the tools to process it. I learned that their abusive and controlling behavior was their way of protecting me. However, I also understood that their traumatic experiences don't excuse the way they treated me. After 30 years, I can say I am achieving a balance between empathy for them and maintaining self-respect.

What's your experience with intergenerational trauma? How does your culture impact your experience? I'd like to hear your story. Maybe we can work together to help you break free and find some balance in all of it as well.